Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Hostage Crisis

"I don't need to race myself today," I said aloud to no one in particular after noticing the pace starting to drop after a little over a mile of running. I'm less than ten minutes into my run and I'm second-guessing the effort already. Hey, you would too if you found this in your inbox-



This all started a few days ago when someone pinched my prized California International Marathon technical long-sleeve shirt while I was in the middle of a workout. I was certain this guy was the culprit (I mean come on, doesn't he look guilty with that beard action?), but it seems with this updated photo and ransom note that there's a new wrinkle in the case. A quick check of the IP address log shows that the note and photo above came not from sunny North Dakota, but from a place called "Kerry" in a country conveniently called "Ireland".

A quick check of the globe revealed that this "Ireland" is in fact a real country, and a search on wikipedia revealed that it is mostly inhabited by nutty ultra runners and their hell-raising children. These are not people to mess with, and as the conspiracy to keep me from my daily paces and my dear marathon shirt grows, so too does the damage to my psyche. One thing was certain from the note: I had to slow down today.

What these dangerous types didn't count on was my ace in the hole: Hills, lots and lots of them. I knew by veering off my usual Slow Down loop and heading deeper into the ridges of Sabino Canyon I could still get an upbeat run in while slowing the average pace. To those who would steal from me and leave threatening notes, I give you the new, Super Slow Down Loop! Behold!


Boys and girls, I've found my courage. You may slow me down, but you will never stop me!

Training: 10 miles, 1:08:20, 6:50 pace

7 comments:

Thomas said...

My lawyer suggested I should not comment on that issue.

Eric said...

Mine too.

(Shakespearean aside to Thomas: nice work!)

Marc said...

Drama. Suspense. Intrigue.

This would make a great movie, maybe: The Irish Connection.

I wonder if Gene Hackman is available...

(Sorry Eric, but The North Dakota Connection just doesn't have that international flair)

D said...

You guys are hilarious.

Greg said...

Good Stuff.

Eric said...

Oh, cripes! I almost forgot to ask.

How exactly does slowing down to 6:50 pace on a hilly course constitute 'slowing down'?

Just curious.

Mike said...

I thought anything 6:50 or above was ok. I only seem to get flack when I get down into the '40's.